There is a surge of weddings and engagements this season. In my opinion, plans were put on hold because of Covid and now many people do not want this year to pass them by.
In a season of so many “I do’s” it gets tough for the single ones who desire marriage and who are of marriageable age (especially young women in Africa).
Society judges a woman’s sense of responsibility by her marital status. For example, if you’re 30 and living alone, they assume you are promiscuous. If you’re a single independent woman making money, they feel you depend on men and you don’t want to get married lest the source be cut short.
Some assume you are not submissive or courteous enough or you did not position yourself in the right place to be found by your husband. It’s tough on these streets.
Now there are different stages to being single. There’s the I’m engaged single, I am dating single, I have someone who really likes me single, there’s someone I would have been with but for circumstances single, and many more. Among all these, the category that gets hit the most is the single single. As in the ‘no-ship’. No one to say goodnight or good mornings to and no one to tell how your day went. Being in this situation and seeing your friends coupling up and getting married can have its toll.
Fear not, we are many in that category.
I want you to know your season of singleness is a gift – in fact it is only a season which will pass. If you do not maximise this season you will look back with regret.
I will advice you invest in quality relationships. This is the time to find your tribe. You could mingle with the opposite sex but not the one where you’re secretly hoping to marry the individual. Guard your heart as you explore the gift of friendship.
There are a lot of things platonic relationships with friends or family can teach you. Respect, tolerance, communication skills, conflict resolution and how to love unconditionally. (This applies mainly to family. We all have that annoying sibling)
Know yourself and improve on what you know. This is where you should be as objective as you can. I know you say you’re perfect but there is so much more you can add to your perfection. Whether it’s your looks, your approach, a skill or spending time reading a book or knowing your temperament. Many people do not know their temperaments, do not know about love languages and cannot hold a conversation aside what’s happening in their village.
Read up. Learn new things. Listen more, weigh your words and just grow.
Attain the state of wholeness. The bible says and they twain became one flesh, hence marriage should be the joining of two whole people. Wholeness primarily in Christ Jesus. Your single season is a time whereby your Jesus game should be strongest, as this serves as a foundation through out life.
If you cannot pray or study the word of God now, then how will you balance living with a whole human being- or human beings when children comes along.
I can bodly testify that no relationship is as important as the one you have with God. Nobody can love you the way God does. Maybe you’re requiring a love from mere men that can only be given to you by a perfect God. Do yourself some good and accept God’s love.
Walk in purpose. One of the things with singleness is boredom. The idle mind is the devil’s workshop so get busy in fulfilling life’s purpose. After God created Adam, he was given the assignment of naming the animals. He was so occupied to the point God had to remind me that it was not good to be alone.
You will feel the sting of loneliness and mushiness from time to time, but it reduces drastically when your mind is occupied. So, what a great time to start that business and grow your career. Go for the outreaches and seminars, be active in church or an NGO. Travel – travel the world if you can. Explore, read up about cultures and traditions. Study the word of God, serve in your local church or in any capacity. Whatever you need to do to keep your brain cells working.
Finally, protect your mental health and flee desperation. Desperation is plain unattractive. Being confident in who you are in Christ Jesus as you’re growing and becoming is so attractive. Don’t play the desperation card. Whenever you notice you’re becoming too clingy or desperate call yourself to order or reach out to people who can help.
Above all life is a gift. Every day you wake up and dread your singleness is another day that thousands and thousands of people have died. Focus on all the good things in your life, count your blessings and keep on counting them and remember to give thanks always.
Marriage or the next relationship is not going to be the beginning or end to your life. It’s just a continuation. Do not trade that for life itself.
Thank you for reading. I’ll be in the comment section expecting your views and criticisms. Do well to like, share and follow for weekly updates.
God loves you like crazy