Love is patient and kind1 Corinthians 13:4
The journey in and to love is a long one and love is patient, so, there is no love without the virtue of patience. From the point where boy meets girl and trying to place a label on what they feel. To making intentions known and walking through the phase of ascertaining and confirmations. And when you are sure, you start courting or dating (whatever label you choose to give it) and you are still watching, testing the waters and searching your spirit to know if this is what you truly want. If all works fine, there is the process of planning a wedding and eventually marriage.
But, the journey of love does not follow a clear cut path as I described above. What I described is an ideal situation and seldom do we find ideals. The initial stage of defining what you feel and ascertaining if you want to be with a particular person takes months to even years. Many cannot label what they feel or worse still, cannot express it.
People are not as aware of their emotions and some have lived in denial so long that they cannot search deep below the surface to define what they feel.
Love is vulnerability
In the Garden of Eden after creation, Adam and Eve were ‘ naked and unashamed ’. This does not stop at the physical when 2 people consummate their love but it is a high level of vulnerability. It is a state of bearing your heart on your sleeve, showing off your deepest fears, your scars, anxiety and aspirations. And this takes time.
You may have seen angels ascending and descending affirming the name of this person you say you love or you may have dreamt all the dreams, but growing to this level of vulnerability will take you time. Love is patient enough to give yourself the grace to go through your uncertainties and grace for your significant other.
Since our world is flawed, the imperfections of our society have caused great hurt and many scars. I am not sure of the statistic but it would be difficult to meet a young adult who has not been affected by just existing. Life throws a heavy blow sometimes.
People would not intentionally hide their feelings from you or discard their feelings towards you without a cause. Hidden behind a smiling face may lie abuse. What if the last person with who he/she tried being vulnerable took the vulnerability for granted and made a mess of it. What if there has been physical or emotional abuse? What he/she is suffering from the loss of a significant other a loved one?
Give yourself grace and give them grace. Give it time. There is no use jumping into the next relationship with baggage of hurt and uncertainties. You are free to take time to heal.
Love is building healthy bonds
After gaining healing from emotional trauma and building trust, love grows to introduce this new person you love to your friends and family. This can be very difficult. Sometimes the people in your life are protective of you so much they become sceptical about accepting your new relationship. What people tend to do in this situation is distance themselves from friends or family? Except they are truly being toxic that is a wrong move sis, wrong move bro!
Love in its new stages is very exhilarating. It’s more like you are in a bubble where the two of you have no care for the world. A bubble is without foundation, hence it will burst one day and you will find yourself back to reality. This reality will include the people who raised, shaped you and those who you ran up to when nobody was around.
It would be very unwise for you to cut people who kept you grounded for a new person who gives you butterflies in your tummy (Pastor M says butterflies have a short lifespan anyway!!) It takes time to integrate different people into one and in the case of marriage different families. You need to give it time. Love is patient remember?
The closest bonds do not happen overnight. People grow to be fond of each other. Do not impose fondness on your family and friends because you have allegedly found love (They may also be sceptical because they think you have made the wrong decision but that is a story for another day)
Let them spend time together because if truly this person is as great as you say they are, they would eventually catch up. So, if you’re reading this thinking your in-love’s hate you maybe you should give it some time before jumping to that conclusion. Just maybe you are yet to warm yourself into their hearts. Give yourself grace and give them grace too.
Love is planning a life together
I cannot end this without talking about the patience needed in planning a wedding and eventual marriage. The period of courtship is where you learn to understand each other and plan a life together.
Planning an African Wedding will take your time, your money, your devotion, your sleep and even your appetite. I am not even joking because wedding planning takes a lot. To get the best you need to be patient enough to plan, budget and prioritize.
You will hear the demands of family and try to either meet them or negotiate through them. If you are getting married in a church, you will also have to try to meet the demands of the church as most times you cannot negotiate it. It will take a lot so don’t allow anybody rush you. You would not want to be sick on your wedding day or worse still look stressed in your pictures.
Then comes the grand finale of it all, marriage. Waking up to the same person every day, having children, paying bills, buying houses and actually living in them together every single day. To maintain peace and joy, you need patience.
This journey of love is not a “rush rush” one so calm down first. Maybe God is allowing you to go through the delay you are experiencing to build your patience. Love is patient, please give it time.
Thank you for reading. Please do well to like, subscribe and leave a comment below. Remember God loves you like crazy.