Source: IG – AkahandClaire

Is it me or has the tension of Valentine’s day increased this year? It seems like everyone is booed up and the number of people planning to tension the ‘singles to pringles’ has greatly increased. As we are approaching  Valentine’s Day though, I want us to remind ourselves what love really is.

Love goes deeper than the cute pictures and videos on Tiktok. As we are in a social media era, it is so easy to join the bandwagons of ‘God when’ because of a nice picture and a lovely caption but love goes way beyond that.

Love is patient

Love is in your day to day experience. It is how you feel in the moment doing life with this person. Dare I say it is more than just a feeling? It is the conscious decision to choose a person despite their imperfections. It is a conscious decision, not a ditch you fall into out of duress and cannot get out of. So, whenever you feel pressured to be with someone or you feel ‘blindly’ in love, check it.

As we are evaluating and discovering what love is, know that love is kind. I know the man is tall, dark and handsome, Holy Ghost filled, loaded with money and to even cap it up he is the president of the beard gang. And I know your girl is so beautiful and contoured in all the right places, but are they kind?

 Is he kind?

 Does she speak with kindness? 

There is this mistake we make sometimes in the church where we judge the character of a person by what he does over who he is. For example, it is very easy to see a tongue-speaking person in the church and assume they are of good character.

Or is it charisma? Or when the person has mastery of the word of God and can preach a storm and hit all the notes on the keyboard? Take your focus away from that for a minute and check if you really hear kindness in their tone of voice.


According to Wikipedia, kindness is a quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. Before you make the lifelong decision of staying with this person check if they are friendly?

This does not have to only be friendliness towards you but towards the people around you. It could be your friends, family or even a complete stranger.

Friends love through all kinds of weather

Proverbs 17:17 (MSG)

And why would you want to be in a relationship where you do not share something as basic as friendliness?

Then are they generous or even considerate of your feelings in your low moments? Can you freely share what you are going through without fear of judgment? 

Does your voice count? Do your opinions count?

Let us not forget that kindness is also a fruit of the spirit. So, if they are truly Christians as they claim to be then kindness should be found in their character.

Also, be careful that you are willing to give all these things you desire.

Your types type


Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised

Proverbs 31:30

Don’t worry, the focus of this blog post is not to make you marry an ugly person. Physical attraction is very important but guys would you want to be with someone solely because they are fine? Come on! There has to be more than that. When searching for a partner look beyond the physical. Asides from being appealing to the eyes, are they kind?

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home

Proverbs 21:9 (NLT)

There are people who because of a little disagreement start raining curses or abusive words on the significant other. Or threaten to leave the relationship. This clearly is toxic and is a big red flag. Relationships are meant for mature individuals and one of the signs of maturity is knowing how to keep your extreme emotions under control. Everyone gets angry (even our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ), just do not become a beast in the name of anger.


After you have checked that the person’s words are seasoned with salt take it deeper into their actions. A popular saying says that talk is cheap. With the number of sweet talkers around you cannot be deceived by what they say. Check their actions too.

Check to see that what this person says is in alignment with what they do. Are they kind in how they settle conflict or they are the type that cannot control their anger?

Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go

Proverbs 22:24 (KJV)

I believe that good marriages come from good relationships. Therefore, if you are already seeing signs of he/she breaking items in anger or raising their hands and almost beating you, then one day the hand will surely land. It is better to end it at the get-go than to keep up patching things through life.

Finally, remember that a good man(or woman) is from the Lord. Ask Him and watch Him lead you.

Thank you for reading. Please drop your comments below and subscribe to get weekly updates to your mail. God loves you like crazy


I easily get lost in good music and a good book. Jesus is my everything and I am a firm believer that there is more to life than what meets the eye. Lets grow shall we?


Oladele · February 9, 2022 at 10:07 pm

As usual, you hit the nail squarely on the head. Love is not all emotions, love is deliberate kindness with no alterior motive.

    Victory · February 10, 2022 at 8:24 am

    I know right!! Love is deliberate. Thank you for your comment

Debby Osa · February 9, 2022 at 10:38 am

KIND. KIND. KIND. This is so huge, and yet so underated by this generation. Does your eye-candy fight fair and remain KIND even when upset?
How a person fights when offended will show you the type of spouse he/she will be.

Well written, sis.

    Hannah · February 9, 2022 at 5:05 pm

    Lovely write up dear(full of wisdom)

      Victory · February 9, 2022 at 6:14 pm

      Thank you so much love♥️

    Victory · February 9, 2022 at 6:14 pm

    Sis! Sis!!! It’s the way you properly capture what’s in my head. Thank you

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