Abba,

Yesterday I saw a little girl sleeping on her father’s lap. She looked so at peace without a single worry in the world.  Her father guarded her from falling and repositioned her when she was uncomfortable. There came a time when she was hungry, upon request he carried her, bought something for her and brought her back. This baby ate to her fill without a thought on the source of provision.

After eating she started running around but the father’s gaze would remain on her to ensure she does not hurt herself or run too far away. While I watched this intimate exchange, I noted that he was a good father. Then I remembered how you are also a good father and how you admonished us to be like little children. I saw an example of what you wanted from me but I find it so hard to do. You see, I worry.

Unlike this child I cannot sit still without the worry of falling. I have perfected my independence game as a façade to the uncertainties raging inside of me. I know you exist but I struggle to believe, I have been hurt many times and have lost my trust. It is unfortunate that I find it hard to trust even you at times.

I thought that if I did not sharpen my hustle that I will go hungry and since the world is such a fast place, I did not have the luxury to waste time by sitting and seeking your face. Somewhere inside of me, I fear I would be stuck without having a plan B, C and D but guess what? I have all these plans and still feel stuck. I must confess that I do not have it as figured out as I portray.

The stillness of that girl is what I need but seldom can I stay put.  For me, to be still is to admit I do not know where I am going or what I am doing. It is to accept my inabilities and fight my demons. Stillness reminds me of the emotions I bury especially the anger I conceal. So, I move around in circles and it looks like I am going somewhere while I am stagnant.

Today I write as a cry for help. I write as a confession of my vulnerability and inability to get things done on my own. I have tried and I am tired. I am about crossing uncertain waters and I am asking for the stillness required to walk on water.

I am very much like Peter when it comes to distrust and realism, as I cannot shake off the feel of cold water or the unstable grounds beneath my feet. But also like him, I am drowning and stretching my hands out to you for help.

Thank you in anticipation

Signed,

Your baby

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Victory

I easily get lost in good music and a good book. Jesus is my everything and I am a firm believer that there is more to life than what meets the eye. Lets grow shall we?

15 Comments

Uka · July 12, 2021 at 9:38 pm

When does he reply?
He watches to see that we don’t get hurt but when we do get hurt, he sees. And when we cry out for help, when does he reply?

I feel like I have to dust myself up before I can go to him but then I think that he should do that for me because I’m there, knowing I should go to him but not trusting enough or at all in this love or in myself…

    Victory · July 12, 2021 at 10:14 pm

    I’ve realized that when we’re walking the tough situation we sometimes don’t feel His presence. But after overcoming, we look back and if we look closely, we realize He was there each step of the way. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. He says come the way you are and He loves you far more than you will ever know

    Say it until you believe it

Anonymous · April 27, 2021 at 7:12 pm

Thanks for this

    Victory · April 27, 2021 at 9:55 pm

    You’re very welcome. Thank you for your comment

    Victory · April 28, 2021 at 12:52 pm

    You’re so welcome. Thank you for engaging

Anonymous · April 27, 2021 at 3:46 pm

This is so wonderful!

Debby Osa · April 27, 2021 at 12:14 pm

So…I read it twice – and I will still come back to it.
I totally understand. Totally get it.
Totally.

Up till yesterday…
I had even penned down stuff…
I can’t say more than that.
I can’t.

Love the picture 🙂 but it’s the vulnerability for me in the post…

Well done.

Peculiar · April 26, 2021 at 9:08 pm

This is lovely. ❤️❤️

Haa Imoter · April 26, 2021 at 8:51 pm

Few hours ago I was having a contemplation on stillness and quietness as a means to reaching a height with God.

My contemplation hasn’t been concluded when I met this awesome piece.

The submission within the lines of this letters remains a contemplation seeking Divine interception.

It came at the needed time. Remain ever connected Vicky

    Victory · April 26, 2021 at 9:23 pm

    Oh my. It is for reasons like this we do what we do. Thank you so much

Odama · April 26, 2021 at 6:49 pm

It’s beautiful to see your poetic side. It’s beautiful. Hope to see more of this.

    Victory · April 26, 2021 at 9:22 pm

    I didn’t know I had a poetic side but I will take it. Thank you for your comment

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